Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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