Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
