when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
