I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize