Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize