I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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