You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
