She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
