I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
