Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
