Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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