The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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