When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
