just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
