She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
