tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
