The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
