On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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