Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
