I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
