Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
