i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
