I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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