We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
