Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize