I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
