her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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