i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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