Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
