Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
