1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
