no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
