i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
