Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
