I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
