Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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