should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize