a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
