Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
