the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize