well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
In America we eat man semen.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
