I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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