Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
pray to the hookup gods
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
