I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize