Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
