I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
my liver is dry heaving
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
