On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
