somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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