My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
sex in a hospital.. check
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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