That's when you crack a 10am beer
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
