Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
