Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
