I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
