Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
