everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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