I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
