I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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