i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
