Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
