if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
