Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
