wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize