Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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