listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
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