I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize