the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
