the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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