The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
