my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
