remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
