I want to have your abortion
North Korea, Best Korea!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
